Dyspeptalk #12

“I bet some people are better at friendship than the others, and that like sex, friendship is performance oriented too, so if you can’t find what makes them tick, all you get are pretentiously fake orgasms if they are too polite, and then the whole standard philosophy of ‘don’t think of yourself any less just because you can’t fuck’.
What it really means, is that there isn’t something specifically wrong you’ve done for them to not take your calls, or even if they do, speak with an urgency designed to make you believe they are indeed too busy for your petty misgivings.
Its just who you are as a performer.

I find it really irksome that my father’s friend carried him five and a half miles on a cycle to get his ruptured appendix operated upon while the friend’s father was only two days dead and his family still in mourning.
I find it irksome that my mother kept a fast that rushed her to the infirmary because it was three days since she’d eaten and her gods still hadn’t answered and her best friend was sick with grovelling malaria that parched her skin brown with fever.
Its irksome to think there was a time when a long distance pen friendship worked for decades, and they wrote to each other when they first menstruated and they wrote to each other when they completed college and they wrote to each other when their only child walked off a roof because his long distance relationship didn’t work.

Its irksome that the immediate issue we have to address is a generation of self-obsession and cheap plastic bands on August Sundays.
Its irksome that we have become people who push each other off cliffs when we don’t need them, and cling to the hems of their sighs when we do, that we have learnt to live on the edge of a relationship, that there is no temperament for that which comes with conditions anymore.

I bet some people are better at reading the manual that comes with friendship.
I bet they can take the good- the jokes  the crushes the shared plates of food, just as well as they can take the bad- the fights the mood swings the mistakes one makes.

I bet what we need, is to believe we can, as well.”



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