Dyspeptalk #14

“I was visiting a new city for the first time all alone, and I was scared about how the wind blew and the leaves rustled and people looked at a 19 year old boy with eyes too small to look into and a bag too big to carry on his shoulder.
It made me realize a lot of our fear comes not from what is truly terrifying, but which doesn’t comfort us or throw warm arms around our shoulders.

It is that sense of fear that makes love seems so distant even when lovers rub their lips on each other’s navels.
This sense of fear keeps us holding onto what we believe should be done, and not what we should do, because we are more afraid of trying and failing, than we have been of trying all the same.
This fear culminates in our words and thoughts and moments of the day, ticking like an exploding clock inside the membranes of our mind.

We live through life complaining of indifference, of people being rude, of protests and counter protests.
We go through the motions. We have anxiety because we take the 8 AM bus that drives over potholes and rushes in the face of certain plummeting death with the grimness of a rabid hyena. We can’t sleep because the house next door erupts into yells of anger and pain every time we reach a 129 sheep on our sleep countdown. We have fatalism. We have primetime television. We have lube.

What we must know, is that it’s okay to be scared at times. Monarchs were afraid of the dark, doesn’t mean they were kings of any less repute.
What we must understand, is that we need to do what scares us the least. No matter how often someone would come and tell you that was the only thing you were good at, don’t. Because being scary, beats being good in the “reasons to drop the idea” checklist.

What we must trust, is that there is more to life even at the bleakest of moments.

Especially at the bleakest of moments.”

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